Just Love Your God

It's been far too long since I have posted, and I really need to get back into this!  Sorry ladies!  


I've been on a roller coaster of emotions these past 5 months and have recently heard this song that has really spoken to my heart.  It is called Oh My Soul, by Audrey Assad.  There are very simple lyrics but a very powerful message for me.  

Rivers and stones and the trees of the field, they sing in the night
And a thousand tongues lay deep in your lungs to raise to the sky
Don't lie to yourself, o my soul—love your God.

Deep in your heart you feather and tar your folly and fear:
Expose them for the fools they are, and the world comes clear.
Don't lie to yourself, o my soul—love your God.

Your worries will never love you
They'll leave you all alone
But your God will not forsake you
O my soul.

The first time that I heard it, it brought me to tears.  I had been so caught up in so many different things that I forgot to just stop and love God and praise Him for what He has done for me and what He is doing now, even though it isn't always easy.  It made me think of the verse in Hebrews where God says that He will never leave us or never forsake us.  What an awesome promise!  What an amazing God that we serve!  How often do we get caught up in trivial things that don't matter?  How many times have I tried and tried to live my life without God and tried to do things on my own?  I need to daily give my life over to God, daily make an effort to simply love my God and bask in His wonderful presence.  That should be my number one priority each and every day.  

Serving, Loving, Praying.

It was just before the Passover Festival.
Jesus knew that the hour had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father.
Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end.
John 13:1

A couple thousand years ago a man, a perfect man, sat among his best friends.
He had spent every day of the past few years traveling with them, teaching with them, loving them.
Tonight they would share their last meal.

Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet.
I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.
Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master,
nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him.
Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.
John 13:14-17

When Jesus knew that he was left with one final day on this planet,
he chose to spend it serving and loving people here on earth,
and spent hours into the night speaking to his heavenly father, the Almighty God.
If only we chose to spend our hours doing such things...
What would it look like?
Simply serving, loving, and praying...

"... just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve,
and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
Matthew 20:28

"Maundy Thursday is the day of the New Mandate, the New Command that Jesus gave. Love one another as I have loved you. Serve one another in the same way that you have seen me, the Master, serve you. In this way you will glorify my Father in Heaven. It is not just about remembering a last meal. Today is about remembering the last commands given us by the Lord." -here



Go serve someone today.
Show someone some love, truly care.
Spend time speaking with your heavenly father, bring your requests to him, rejoice with him, thank him...

A Peace Which Passeth Understanding.

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding,
shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:7 {KJV}

Did you ever sing "Down In My Heart" when you were younger?
I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart {where?} down in my heart....
I don't think I ever really knew what I was singing when I sang the verse "I've got the peace that passeth understanding down in my heart" But lately that phrase has been stuck in my head.
I've been struggling with a couple of weeks of defeat/depression/anxiety. It's something I struggle with when I haven't been turning my worries over to God or feel like I've lost control of areas of my life.

I always got good grades in high school, not because I studied, but just because I can catch on to lessons {particularly math & science} pretty quickly {and then forget them immediately after the test... it's not a good way to learn}. I remember the one specific time in Trigonometry that I just could not grasp the lesson he was teaching and I got so frustrated I had to leave the room to cry! It makes me feel sick and panic-y when I can't understand something.

So, with my faith, sometimes I struggle with trying to completely understand God's plans for me and my loved ones, or trying to understand eternity and it gives me the same sick and panicked feelings. It's a struggle for me not to be in control and not be able to comprehend what is next.
Fill me in on the plan, God!
But I know that when I trust and obey God's word, I don't feel the depression/anxiety that I have been feeling lately. I know that when we follow God and actively search for his path for us, he gives us a peace that everything will be okay, a peace that covers all of our fear, a peace that God has something beautiful planned for us next, and it isn't my job to understand it all but simply to try and live how God tells us to.

I pray that God gives me the strength to do just that and a peace deep down in my heart that covers more than I can understand.

Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror,
but then we will see everything with perfect clarity.
All that I know now is partial and incomplete,
but then I will know everything completely,
just as God now knows me completely.
1 Corinthians 13:12

Because basic math is complicated

Matthew 18:19-22
Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me?
Up to seven times?”
Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven"

I'm trying to get a head start on my New Year's Resolution (of being more forgiving) by planting little peace seeds in areas where I normally plant landmines. My youngest sisters think that their older sister and I hate each others' living guts. Sometimes we do. Sometimes we're serious jerks about it. Actually, I have a whole bucket full that I'm not proud of when it comes to getting along with my own sisters sometimes.
Facebook is the least personal way to discuss the most personal things, so that's the line of communication I chose to open things up between us. I just said, (this is paraphrased so I don't have to explain inside jokes) "Hey, the girls think we hate each other, let's work on being friends. Also The Office sucks without Micheal Scott."
She wrote back, "Yeah. The Office is a shame now :-/ "

In some versions of the bible, I only have to forgive 77 times. Unfortunately, I memorized the 70 TIMES 7 one. Sometimes I feel like I can't even make it to 7. Not just with the sisters, but in general.

Then I was a bit enlightened for the first time by verse 20 [For when 2 or 3 are gathered in my name, there I am with them.] I guess I could just aim for the smaller number, the 2-3. I trust my gathering skills. It's the "In My Name" part that I'm nervous about. How do you invite people who won't be in your presence to be in God's presence?

I figure all I can do is continue to try to expose the good of God through me. Which will only work if I am a peaceful sister instead of a bratty one. And, lately I am nothing but bratty.

I'm starting to misspell like crazy so it's bed time!

Resolution #1

This might be my New Year’s resolution verse:

Mark 11:25

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone,

forgive him,

so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.

I want to focus on forgiveness this year and this day, this moment, really. I am such an angry person. I wanted to really dig deep into the feel of forgiveness to write this post, so like an idiot, I dwelt on the past.

In reminiscent fit of rage, I thought about one my most angry and hurt moments, ever—finding out that whom I thought was Mine kissed a very ugly girl. I still rage when I think about it. (Years later. [I blame my period.]) I imagined what I would have thought if my dear Heart-Breaker-Bryan had died soon after this, like he almost did. (Foul play.) It just wouldn’t have made sense to stay mad at him. He would be dead. He would feel nothing, no hate, no hurt, no persistent (I need a stronger word than that) love disguised as fury. It would be like heaving the heaviest of emotions known to the soul up a mountain and then dropping them off the highest cliff.

[[ I could have just left the weight at the bottom of the mountain. ]]

In the scenario in which Bryan lives, (the real one) it would be like heaving the heaviest of emotions known to the soul up a mountain and then stacking them on top of each other. And then squirming underneath it. And giving it a dirty look like Second Graders give each other when they steal claimed seats. Like, “Hey you sneaky punk, this is where I belong!”

Neither scenario does anybody any good. Well, it doesn't do me any good and it doesn't do my Hated any bad. So even my evil intentions can't prevail.

[Thank God.]

Anyway!

This year I want to leave useless things on the bottoms of my mountains. I understand that at times, I will have to carry heavy things, but I refuse to carry useless things.

You can skip this part, reader, it's just a list of people and nonliving things on my Forgive List:

-People who chew loud (Satan)

-My parents. (They didn’t do anything wrong, I’m just a bratty 22 year old teenager. If I’m clever enough to make up things to be mad at, I’m clever enough to make up things to forgive.)

-My job for being boring (It pays the bills for now and won’t last forever.)

-Maybe myself a little bit (for being a scattered raggedy mess)

-Day light savings time. (Sun light will come back in the spring!!!)

-People who have humiliated me.

-People who need help when I don’t want to give it/think I can give it.

-My period

Ok reader, come back.

Thought:

Have I ever been forgiven (other than by the blood of Christ)?

I believe that patience is a form of forgiveness, like preventative forgiveness. I feel a little guilty but so relieved when people let me take my time. I want to thank these people with my whole heart. Wow, I have been forgiven so many times. I want to be that forgiving in 2012.

This verse energizes me for the coming new year and my path of forgiveness…

Isaiah 43:18-19

Forget the former things;

do not dwell on the past. See,

I am doing a new thing!

Now it springs up;

do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the wilderness

and streams in the wasteland.

Hobbies.

"It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life.
Just make sure that you don't use this freedom
as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom.
Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love; that's how freedom grows."
Galatians 5:13 {The Message}

"... do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh..."
Galatians 5:13 {NIV}

Lately I've been thinking a lot about what we do with our time {as I said in my last post}.
I have been thinking in particular about hobbies that take up our "spare" time.
How does God feel about our hobbies?

"The Lord has given them special skills as engravers, designers, embroiderers
in blue, purple, and scarlet thread on fine linen cloth, and weavers.
They excel as craftsmen and as designers."
Exodus 35:35 {NLT}

This is so interesting to me {partly because of my interest in clothing, ha!}.
God gives us all special skills, passions, interests... he gives us talents to use and {we hope} that these talents will come out in our jobs/hobbies.

The problem I've been facing with my hobbies lately is that I'm letting them take up all my free time and leaving no time for God.
Which has been leaving me in quite a terrible spot...
Isn't it sad that you notice how much more negative and stressed you become when you aren't spending the time with God that you should be, but it's still so easy to fall into the cycle of not making the time?

"No one can serve two masters..."
Matthew 6:24a {NIV}

We need to be sure that we are not letting our hobbies become a master of our lives.
So, how can I serve those around me with my hobby?
How can I show God's love through my hobby?
I'm still trying to figure this out... but it's just some questions for you to ponder.

"So I saw that there is nothing better for people than to be happy in their work.
That is why we are here! No one will bring us back from death to enjoy life after we die."
Ecclesiastes 3:22 {NIV}

{Sorry for such a scattered post! Just thinking out loud}

I'm a bumper sticker.

I'm just going to admit that I hate pushy Jesus bumper stickers. It's one of my top 10 flaws as a believer.
Yesterday I saw one that said "Keep Christ in Christmas" and thought "Yeah or we can keep ourselves to ourselves. Jerk bumper sticker. What are you some kind of angel? I have plenty of Christ in Christmas. And plenty of Christ in General."

To which the bumper sticker said, "You really need to step back and take a look at your thoughts. Do you really think just because they're in your head that they aren't harmful?"

I realized that hating a bumper sticker was one thing, but having a debate with it to justify my hate was whole new level of Need-to-be-in-prayer.

Here's the thing. This has been the most stressful December I think I've ever had. It keeps catching me off guard, like, WHO IS THIS GRINCH WOMAN WALKING AROUND INSIDE OF YOU, ME?!? It's only been stressful because I'm working a lot of over time at my harmless little factory job. I think it's a societal-sin to complain about being employed, but hey, sometimes we want more time than money, right? Let me just admit that I'm a whiner.
I have nothing to Grinch about. But look at me go.

[I just wish that bumper sticker hadn't been so confrontational.]

To get my head on straighter, I read about how Christ even got into Christmas in the first place... [Get it? I read the book of Matthew.]

Matthew 1:19-24

Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.

But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.”

All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: ”The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel”-- which means, “God with us.”

When Joseph awoke, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife.

Finding out that Mary was pregnant was probably one of the most stressful Decembers that Joseph had ever had. It probably caught him off guard. If I were Joseph...I just don't know how I would be able to remain that calm. We all have our societal-sins to stress about, but have you ever had a pregnant wife that you didn't knock up? Joseph. What a stand up guy! What a man of faith! He inspires me every time I read about him. I want to have a faith like Joseph's on the night Jesus was born.

What I'm getting at is that if Joseph could keep Christ in Christmas, I can too.




Here's a little side note verse to pray on while you're in a long line at target, or when your back hurts from wrapping presents, or during any other Wonderful Things that you can't help but hate, momentarily:

Phillippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your heart and your mind in Christ, (you know, the one from Christmas?) Jesus.