Resolution #1

This might be my New Year’s resolution verse:

Mark 11:25

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone,

forgive him,

so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.

I want to focus on forgiveness this year and this day, this moment, really. I am such an angry person. I wanted to really dig deep into the feel of forgiveness to write this post, so like an idiot, I dwelt on the past.

In reminiscent fit of rage, I thought about one my most angry and hurt moments, ever—finding out that whom I thought was Mine kissed a very ugly girl. I still rage when I think about it. (Years later. [I blame my period.]) I imagined what I would have thought if my dear Heart-Breaker-Bryan had died soon after this, like he almost did. (Foul play.) It just wouldn’t have made sense to stay mad at him. He would be dead. He would feel nothing, no hate, no hurt, no persistent (I need a stronger word than that) love disguised as fury. It would be like heaving the heaviest of emotions known to the soul up a mountain and then dropping them off the highest cliff.

[[ I could have just left the weight at the bottom of the mountain. ]]

In the scenario in which Bryan lives, (the real one) it would be like heaving the heaviest of emotions known to the soul up a mountain and then stacking them on top of each other. And then squirming underneath it. And giving it a dirty look like Second Graders give each other when they steal claimed seats. Like, “Hey you sneaky punk, this is where I belong!”

Neither scenario does anybody any good. Well, it doesn't do me any good and it doesn't do my Hated any bad. So even my evil intentions can't prevail.

[Thank God.]

Anyway!

This year I want to leave useless things on the bottoms of my mountains. I understand that at times, I will have to carry heavy things, but I refuse to carry useless things.

You can skip this part, reader, it's just a list of people and nonliving things on my Forgive List:

-People who chew loud (Satan)

-My parents. (They didn’t do anything wrong, I’m just a bratty 22 year old teenager. If I’m clever enough to make up things to be mad at, I’m clever enough to make up things to forgive.)

-My job for being boring (It pays the bills for now and won’t last forever.)

-Maybe myself a little bit (for being a scattered raggedy mess)

-Day light savings time. (Sun light will come back in the spring!!!)

-People who have humiliated me.

-People who need help when I don’t want to give it/think I can give it.

-My period

Ok reader, come back.

Thought:

Have I ever been forgiven (other than by the blood of Christ)?

I believe that patience is a form of forgiveness, like preventative forgiveness. I feel a little guilty but so relieved when people let me take my time. I want to thank these people with my whole heart. Wow, I have been forgiven so many times. I want to be that forgiving in 2012.

This verse energizes me for the coming new year and my path of forgiveness…

Isaiah 43:18-19

Forget the former things;

do not dwell on the past. See,

I am doing a new thing!

Now it springs up;

do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the wilderness

and streams in the wasteland.